The Evolution of the Real Estate Business, Loosely Translated from Genesis 1
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth real estate.
And God said, “Let there be light,” and God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And thus was created the first workday.
And God said, “Let the water be gathered to one place,” and God called the dry ground at the edge of the sea prime coastal property.
And God said, “Let the earth teem with living creatures realtors. Be fruitful and increase in number,” which was the beginning of ruthless competition for the aforementioned property.
And God made two great lights to govern the day and the night, to separate the days. Which was the beginning of the seven-day work week and evening appointments.
And God saw that it was good, for business. And then He went and created the Bureau of Real Estate, the National Association of Realtors, and the Internet, and complicated history beyond belief.
Fellow realtors1, I feel your pain. I’ve been where you are. I’m still where you are. I will be here forever—or so I tell my clients. But by writing this book, I hope to show you the way to a happier “here.”
It has been scientifically proven that endorphins coursing through your body elevate your mood, induce euphoria, and enable you to enjoy selling real estate. This book will help you achieve that state of being.
There is no profession whose every move is more scrutinized, legislated, and codified. We realtors are charged with upholding tax law, the civil code, the penal code, and state and federal law. But are we given a code for coping? No! $#!+ still happens because no legal authority has deciphered the key to dealing with the challenges of real estate. Well, here it is—a veritable roadmap from here to there!
I have had a successful career in real estate. By which I mean that I have never seen the inside of a jail (although I have visited other realtors there); I drive a nice car (which I only do because some buyers and sellers actually care about dumb things like your car); and I have a nice house (“nice” being defined as small but paid for). I am sure you set similar goals for yourself when you started your career. And then you sold a house. Whoa! That was work! (And marginally profitable?)
I will share with you how I overcame the forces of nature (rain, sleet, hail, inertia), the wish to crawl back into my mother’s womb, and indignity, to go forth where no man has ever gone—and done a better job than a woman: real estate.
I’ve had a few very profitable years. What you read between the covers of this book will be useless, however, because I’m not telling you my secrets. You have to buy my ten-disk “How to Make a Million Dollars in Real Estate Without Really Trying” CD program to get those! Just kidding—my life is an open book, and you’re reading it now.
You will learn about and laugh at:
The Ten Commandments: Etch these on the palm of your hand. (Chapter 6)
Lawyers, friendly and otherwise: Forewarned is forearmed. (Chapter 8)
The most challenging clients: See if you can top this! (Chapter 12)
Your competition: No, this is not you—you bought my book, we’re friends. (Chapter 13)
You will read about common mistakes made by other realtors. Not mine, of course—I am the author. OK, I threw in a few of mine, too.
You will have permission to reproduce and distribute my copyrighted list of daily reminders:
• It’s not about me.
• It always works out.
• Just do it!
• I am serene.
These are provided in bullet format so that you can cut and paste them onto your computer, your car dashboard, and any agent or client who annoys you.
The overarching message here is that finding the humor in the grand scheme of real estate things will get you from point A to point Z a lot more easily. Introducing a little levity can get you through pretty much anything in real estate. Unless, of course, it’s not appropriate. But most of the time it is, and it soothes nerves, appeases the opposition, and shows the public that you’re human and you’re fun to work with. They’ll want to hire you, to refer you, to pay you! This is vital information. Worth the price of this book! Because as infinitely personally rewarding as a career in real estate can be, someone has to pay the bills.
So, tuck this book in your handbag or store it on your iPad. Think of it as “My Little Guide Back to Happy.” Pull it out when you need to laugh. When you need to know that no matter what just happened, it could always be worse. And thank you for buying it.
1 As we all know, the term “Realtor” is a trademarked professional designation of the National Association of Realtors, which should be capitalized. This is the only law I’ve ever knowingly broken. Except for U-turns.