CHAPTER 1, “INTRODUCTION”
It all began one Saturday morning when the poodle dropped her dinosaur bone on my husband’s thinly padded eye socket. “EITHER THAT DOG GETS TRAINED NOW — OR SHE GOES!” my mild-mannered husband yelled at the top of his lungs — from a dead sleep — after a night of shrieking by the unhousebroken puppy who didn’t want to get “crate trained” and ended up in our bed at four a.m.
CHAPTER 4,”TRAINING THE POODLE”
“Can’t we take it a little slower, maybe get acquainted, have some playtime?” I protectively inquire.
“The dog needs to learn who’s boss,” said the six-foot-two, shaved-headed, black-leather-encapsulated trainer my Saturday morning dialing had produced, his eyes boring through me. Bubbles is shaking in her furry little boots
“Excuse me, but I thought that since I’m paying you, I’m the boss.” My husband stares at me, dispelling that notion.
Suffice it to say that we parted company not long after this exchange, the trainer having labeled me a “codependent pet owner.”
CHAPTER 5, “AND THEN CAME SPOT”
Spotty’s demeanor is a lot like my dolls from childhood — the ones whose eyes my brothers poked out, and I would stare deep into the black abyss, thinking we were communicating. She achieves mindlessness faster than I can doing yoga. Actually, mindlessness is Spotty’s natural state.
CHAPTER 18, “THE FOOD WARS, PART II”
Spot enters the kitchen, observes her bowl of dog (not) food and looks at me like, “I got up for this?” She then proceeds to run through her repertoire of groans, cries, barks, snorts, and shakes of her head side-to-side and up-and-down. I leap into action — she’s about to flip the bowl.
I pick it up and remind her from whence she came. I set the food back on the floor. She stares forlornly at it for about 60 seconds — willing it to morph into freshly grilled steak. I think I’m OK, turn my back, and wham! She flips the bowl with her paw and rice flies everywhere.
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“Tales of a Codependent Pet Owner – My Life with the Poodle from Hell and a Deaf Dalmatian” is available on Amazon, at this web address: