It’s a known fact that the male brain does not mature until age 28 (if then). So, whenever I need some customer support and I call a number that connects me with a twenty-something male, I remind myself that it takes a village to raise a child, and this is a teaching moment. Or I hang up and redial.
I was researching the ponderous question, “What do legislators do to deserve a paycheck?” when “Christopher” from the state whose name rhymes with “Fexas” greeted me on my screen. Ahhhhh, “Live Chat.”
This is the verbatim* transcript of my discussion with Christopher, whom I determined by the conclusion of our chat, should run for Congress.
Screen: You are now chatting with a Fexas.gov Representative.
Christopher: Thank you for using Fexas.gov. Please note that Fexas.gov is the official website of the State of Fexas, and not a government agency. My name is Christopher. Please hold one moment while I research your inquiry.
After five minutes, during which Christopher should have had time to: (A) go to the restroom; (B) finish his lunch; or (C) type a response even if he were using his thumbs, I typed:
“Are you there?”
Christopher: This information is outside my scope of support.
Me: So, who should I call?
Christopher: I am only web support for Fexas.gov.
Me: That’s not what I asked. How about you ask your supervisor?
Christopher: We do not have information on this.
Christopher: Even our supervisor won’t have info on this.
Christopher: Think of us as technical support for the website.
Me: That’s not what your website says.
Christopher: We have no info on the news or that subject.
Me: Christopher, as a “mature” person, I’m going to give you a tip: The more you extend yourself to do things outside the scope of your job, the more you will be rewarded in life.
Christopher: The more I can get fired.
Christopher: You may have to do a search on the info through Google or the search bar on the site.
Me: Let’s run my question past your supervisor and see what he says. One of life’s challenges, Christopher, is to please the public, your employer, and still remain within the legal statutes of the state of Fexas.
Christopher: Is there anything else I can do for you? I have to stay within my scope. If you are not able to access a search, I can open a search and give you the results. The results I will get will be the same as you would get on a search.
Me: Well, Christopher, my results would probably not be the same as yours, because that’s why fate brought us together—I can’t figure your website out. And…I’m guessing you’re twenty-something!
Christopher: These are the search results: http://www.fexas.gov/en/search/ages/results, etc.
Me: Well, thank you very much, Christopher. I’ll be sure to look for your name on a ballot someday.
Christopher: No problem. Have a nice day.
_________________________
*99.9%
(Graphics credit: iClipArt)
I wonder if Christopher is a typical of graduate from the Fexas public school system. If so, that state is in big trouble. Great advice you gave him, Cathy , “The more you extend yourself…..” Think he will take it to heart? I doubt it:-(.
Carol! I don’t think “Christopher” can interpret anything that isn’t written in HTML!! THANK YOU, dear friend!!
OMG – that is hilarious !! I so hate those people – you’ll have to do one on Dell Support, or any of those computer help support desks – they are too much. 9 times out of 10, YOU know more than they do! Do you suppose we’re just jealous we’re not 20 something?!!
Jeanette! No! I’m not jealous! I wouldn’t want to have all that life in a technology-oriented world ahead of me. I pray this is my last trip to earth!! Thanks, girlfriend :).
I think I tried to teach that kid in class. No luck there either. Jody, The Medicare Mom
Jody!! You mean you let him live? THANK YOU, my friend!!
Cathy, a great piece — your intro and the transcript! Truth can indeed be stranger than fiction.
I’m lucky that my ISP (EarthLink) has great customer service and tech support. Not the case with many other ISPs, companies, agencies, etc.
And I had no idea that Fexas rhymed with Nebraska! A teaching moment indeed. (Just kidding!)
Dave! There are always exceptions to the (male brain doesn’t mature until 28) rule. You were born brilliant – I’m certain of it! Would that all our columns were this easy to write!! Thank you sooo much for validating my efforts!
Cathy, my male brain, which has been around a lot longer than 28 years and has still not matured, tells me that this is a terrific piece. Very funny. And very, unfortunately, true. Or 99.9 percent is. I shall not be visiting the great state of Fexas anytime soon. Or voting for Christopher as a representative. But I loved reading about him. You have done it again, Cathy. Keep up the wonderful work.
Jerry! So far I’ve counted two exceptions to the “Rule of 28” – you and Dave Astor! Ooooops! And MyHusbandTheEngineer! I laugh harder at your comments than I do while writing my stories! THANK YOU, my friend! 🙂
Cathy at least you did receive “service” from somewhere in the USA and they spoke a “language” you understood! Another great story that happens all to often from 20 something’s that don’t know what the words customer service means. You are a great writer and I always look forward to new entry’s.
THANK YOU, Vicki!! In the loose interpretation of the words, I did get “service” and he spoke a language I should have been able to understand. But he sure couldn’t communicate!!! Thanks, sis!!
It is so nerve racking, you call and they have such common names as Debbie, John, Karen. But can barely speak English. Atleast, hopefully Christopher could speak English?
Another reason to have a glass of wine before making the call !
Scottie Hugs,
Nancy
Hi, Nancy!! And half the time they won’t give you their name – it might incriminate them. Christopher spoke English, but he sure couldn’t communicate! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!