I’m going to give my face another chance. My concessions to anti-aging all have one thing in common: they don’t hurt. So on occasion, I’m up for trying the latest method as long as it doesn’t harm animals on its way to the back of my drawer.
To forewarn MyHusbandTheEngineer that I was going to support Suzy in her new skin care business, I brought the subject up over breakfast. Reading the newspaper causes me to contort my face into expressions that some beautiful women like, say, Kim Kardashian, are not capable of making. My fanny shows more emotion than her face. But, then, I’m cheekier, metaphorically speaking.
Me: You know the frown marks I get when I read the newspaper?
MHTE: I hadn’t noticed.
Me: Well, I have a solution.
MHTE: You have lots of solutions in the bathroom. Have you used any of those yet?
Me: But it’s going to cost me a lot of money.
MHTE: No—it’s going to cost me a lot of money.
He had just finished doing our taxes.
Me: You need to be more results-oriented. Focus on the end-product.
MHTE: What if it doesn’t work?
Me: I’ll defer to your opinion in three months, and you already know the right answer. Look at the bright side: the cost will commit me to following through, which means I will absolutely wash my face every night and you won’t wake up to raccoon eyes in the morning; I’ll smell expensive; and besides, it’s way less than you spent making the Austin Healey gorgeous.
Me: This does not require a lot of my time, which means you’ll still get your frozen entrees regularly.
MHTE: And clean clothes?
Me: I just bought you more underwear! Now, we have to take a “before” picture without my make-up on.
Realizing he could use that to extort food and clothing from me, he complied.
I’m now on the second day of the regime, and hanging in there. Meals are still being served on time. My husband has five days of underwear left. I will update you on my progress in coming issues of News in a Nutshell.