10. No, you don’t need a cell phone, Internet connection or a working answering machine; I’m psychic—we’ll communicate
9. Regardless of public perception, I could have overcome the felon who lives next door and your recent home invasion…if we only had air conditioning and were $30,000 closer to market value.
8. “Testing, testing, testing” (the real estate market…and my patience). That’s for microphones not the market. But close—they both start with “m.”
7. Well, yes, I do “just want to get your home sold.” I thought you did, too.
6. Because the only calls I got on it were from Internet vendors who wanted to sell me animated video to market my “overpriced listing.”
5. I, the “neighborhood expert,” who have lived here for 28 years, have a state-certified appraiser’s license, hold a broker’s license, and have sold more homes and set more market highs in our neighborhood than any other agent, do not grasp how special your home is.
4. Oh! The alarm. Word gets around when you bill a showing agent $100 to cover the security company’s visit when he set off the alarm that you said would be inactive while we’re on the market.
3. The planets didn’t align to your way of thinking.
2. While we were waiting for the market to catch up to your price, the inventory increased 50 percent.
And! The top reason why I didn’t sell your house:
1. You were just practicing, so you’d get it right when you relist with your daughter who got her license by the time our listing expired.
Mea culpa, this one IS my fault: the sign company removed my sign three days before our listing expired. God works in mysterious ways.