Every year MyHusbandTheEngineer asks me what I want for Christmas. And every year I tell him I just want a TV I can operate.
I now have four TVs and 10 remotes, and I can’t make any of them work. Why this should concern me when there’s hardly anything worth watching on TV is beside the point.
Finally, one Saturday I’d had it; I called Comcast right there in front of my husband and said “I need someone to come out here and make my TV work.”
“Well, of course,” the well-trained customer servant responded. “We can have a technician at your home tomorrow morning between the hours of 8 and 10 a.m. or 10 a.m. and noon.”
Whoa, Sunday?! He knew I meant business. But that afternoon a gentleman called from India to inform me that he would make my TV work over the phone. Well, nooooo!
“Oh no you won’t,” I said. “I need technical expertise in the body of a live human being, and your manager promised me he’d have a guru at my house tomorrow morning.” (Whimper, whimper)
Sunday at 11:59 a.m. a 50-something-year-old man appeared at our door.
“What seems to be the problem?” he asked.
“I just want to be able to turn on the TV, and I want everything on one remote. And I might need to stream,” I added under my breath.
He paused long enough to exchange eye rolls with my husband. “It’s going to take two remotes.”
“Ohhhh no—I’ve witnessed my friends, with the same educational background as mine, make their TVs work with one remote.”
Conceding defeat, he asked, “Which remote do you want to use?”
Me: “If I knew, I would have thrown out the other nine. Eeny, meeny…this one.”
Him: “That one’s obsolete.”
“Perfect! We’re a match. You may think me a dinosaur, too, but I function very effectively in this world. With this one notable exception. You will make this three-month-old ‘obsolete’ remote work my TV.” The gauntlet was thrown.
As he busied himself punching buttons and watching the TV picture dance around, I scribbled away. He said, “Now you try it.” I not only turned the TV on and off, I switched from TV to DVD to streaming.
“How’d you do that?” he asked
“Notes on a piece of papyrus. It works.”